Collaborative Communication Webinar

Stella: [00:00:00] Well. Good morning everyone. Thank you for joining us today. I am Stella Beard on the Assistant Director for Kentucky SPIN, and we are so happy that you joined us for our webinar today on Collaborative Communication. Before we get started, I want to go over just a few housekeeping issues or I guess details that I want to tell you about.

If you have a question throughout the presentation today, you will see on your dashboard, a little tab called questions. You can type your question in there and I’m going to be monitoring those throughout the presentation. So we’ll be sure to answer your questions. If it’s something that I can just type any answer back to you, I will do that.

If I need to bring it up for everyone, then we will do that also. So the other thing is, if you have trouble, if you’re having trouble hearing or anything like that, please let me know in the question box also. So I can try to monitor that. We will be done within an hour, maybe even a little [00:01:00] bit before an hour.

Following today’s webinar, you will receive an email from me with all of the handouts that we’re talking about today. Also the PowerPoint presentation, but if you choose, they are available right now under your handouts tab. So you’re more than welcome to go in and download them for future use. Or you can wait for the webinar, or wait for the email that I will send out, following with all of the handouts, the PowerPoint, and also a certificate of attending today.

So we’re gonna get started. I’m going to tell you a little bit about Kentucky. SPIN. We are, Kentucky SPIN, which also, which stands for, of course in the special education world, we are full of acronyms. We also have one which stands for Special Parent Involvement Network. We are the parent training and information center for the state of Kentucky.

And we have been since 1988. We are funded by the Department of U.S., excuse me, by the U.S. Department of Education, under the [00:02:00] individuals with disabilities education act. We work with families and children and youth with all types of disabilities from birth to age 26. We do not act as attorneys, but we do empower families to effectively advocate for their children.

We provide peer support to help families access needed information and resources, and also we lend a listening ear. All of our consultants are either family members, who have a child with a disability, a sibling with a disability, or have a disability themselves. So I’m really proud of that, that we’re able to work with families and also have that personal touch that we’re able to help families understand and can really, you know, work with them.

I have a 24 year old son with an intellectual disability. So it helps when we’re talking with families to make that connection. We have with us today. one of our consultants, [00:03:00] Michaela Evans, she is the Central and Western Kentucky educational specialist for Kentucky SPIN, and she is actually going to be doing the presentation today.

So Michaela, can you hear me?

Michaela: [00:03:11] I can.

Stella: [00:03:12] All right. I’m going to let you get started and if I don’t advance your slides, the way you want me to just tell me and I’ll do it. But now remember there will be a small, a little delay in the slide advancement.

Michaela: [00:03:24] Okay. Thank you, Stella.

So today we’re going to be talking about collaborative communication. And when you’re talking about collaborative communication, it’s basically just working jointly with others, while effectively expressing your ideas.

So the foundation to good communication could be summed up in this one quote, “First seek to understand and then to be understood.” And that’s by Stephen Covey. And Dr. Covey is the [00:04:00] author of several books, including the international bestseller, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

You can set the tone before you even speak a word. So the way you approach someone and a situation can have a huge impact on the outcome. And an example might be if you say some kind things, but you roll your eyes at the same time, your words are the last thing that someone remembers. And they know that you’re not sincere.

So approximately 10% of communication is the word spoken. 30% is the tone of voice, and 60% is body language.

Communication, every action, even silence is a communication. For example, we know that this man is saying, we know what he’s saying, without hearing him [00:05:00] say a word. You know, just your pose and your body language, really says a lot in communication.

For effective communication, you always want to listen twice as much as you talk. And we’re all taught all of our lives. That communication is 50, 50. First you talk, then I talk, and then you talk, and then it’s my turn. And while you’re talking usually, you know, we tend to think of what someone is going to say next.

And while I’m talking, you’re thinking. Thinking of what you’re going to say next. That’s thinking, not listening. So communication is not just about talking. It’s really about paying attention to what the other person is saying. The kind of a [inaudible] thinking conversation is called active listening.

Stella: [00:05:53] Michaela, I’m going to interject something here that I think goes right along with this. I am a talker [00:06:00] and so sometimes I struggle with my listening skills. And how I really knew that that was an issue on my end was I used to have a real, well, she’s still my friend, but a really dear friend, and whenever we would get together, it seems like she knew all this stuff about me, but I didn’t really know much about her.

And that’s because I ended up doing most of the talking. And she was a great listener. So I really had to learn and really change my focus during a conversation to begin to listen more versus talking. So that was kind of like my aha moment when I knew that I was a great talker, but not so much a great listener.

Michaela: [00:06:45] And that’s a great example of Stella, that’s a great example.

And then when we’re talking about the elements of active listening, you want to be attentive, be nonjudgmental, [00:07:00] paraphrase, but don’t ever do it and be aware of your body language. Tthe very first element of active listening is to be attentive.

And people are not actively listening when they jump to conclusions about what the other person really means. Or they become judgmental because they don’t agree with what that person is saying. If you find yourself shutting down, try to keep listening and be certain that you have not misunderstood.

That happens much more frequently than we realize and it can really cut down on a lot of conflict. One way of making sure that you understand what the person means, it’s just simply repeat it back to them in your own words or what we call paraphrasing. Just be careful not to overdo it because after a while “well, what I hear you are saying” may become annoying.

And then be aware of not just their body language, but also your own. Pay attention to your posture and your facial expressions. Turn toward that [00:08:00] person and make eye contact. And that really goes a long way.

One thing I try to keep in mind too, is not to have folded arms. Cause a lot of times when you cross your arms across your chest, it makes you look closed off and like you are not positively responding when simply, you know, to me that’s just, you know, the way I’m standing or being comfortable. But I’ve had to kind of be more aware of that in my conversations as well, to make sure that my body language is open, just as open as my ears are and my frame of mind.

Stella: [00:08:35] And I think another one that is really big right now that we have, especially our younger generation, is being on your cell phone when you’re in a meeting. When you’re actually having a conversation with someone, you know, really learning to put that phone down and be, you know, have that not only, like you said, your body language, but you know, making sure that you really are actively listening and not multitasking all the time.

Michaela: [00:09:02] Yes, that’s a great one too, the cell phones can get in the way a lot of time in communication. So just being aware of that as well is very helpful.

And so this is just a little cartoon that kind of helps demonstrate what we’re saying and it says “You can stop saying ‘uh-huh’! I stopped  talking to you like an hour ago.”

And so I feel like we’ve all been in those conversations where you’re, maybe you’re really excited about something and sharing with your significant other or with a friend, and they’re just not that into it. And they’re just, uh-huh, uh-huh.

And then this other cartoon says, “I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” Cause a lot of times we kind of have that scenario as well.

Opinions and perspectives,  just like saying two heads are better than one.  Multiple perspectives help in problem solving and brainstorming options. So when we’re talking about collaborative communication,  [00:10:00] you want to make sure, that your values and respects, and your opinions and your perspectives and the rights of both parties are all kept in your mind. The rights of both parties, it goes back to respect and in general, just having courtesy for one another.

Not just legal rights, but the right to speak without interruption. The right to disagree and the right to ask questions.  If we expect to be respected, we have to first give respect to others. And that’s something that we really want to keep in mind.

And if you model respect to someone else, they’re going to be more likely to show it to you as well.

Collaborative communication encourages both parents and professionals to express their honest feelings, promote mutual respect, allow both discussion and disagreement, respect cultural differences, and remain child-focused.

When people are not [00:11:00] giving open and honest input, others are left to draw their own conclusions, which may be far from the truth or the point we’re trying to get across. And it can result in unnecessary conflict. Mutual respect occurs when everyone at the table acknowledges that each and every person has a critical piece of information to share. When individuals feel respected and valued discussion and even disagreement becomes possible without unresolved conflict. When parents and educators communicate collaboratively, they can develop a partnership that is focused on what is best for the child.

And that’s always our goal. And you can still have differences of opinion and gives respect at the same time.

Partnership, and so that’s a relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility as for the [00:12:00] achievement of a specified goal. As parents and educators, our goal is all the same. It’s to help children have successful outcomes. The best outcomes occur when parents and educators can truly be partners in achieving that goal.

Communication between parents and professionals is critical. We can all agree that communication between parents and professionals is important. But who is it most important to? Keeping the child as your main focus will ensure the best possible outcome. And we can’t let personalities deter us from developing strong partnerships. And so don’t get hung up on, you know, maybe not liking someone and let it get in the way of what’s best for your child.

Stella: [00:12:51] And Michaela just a couple … no go ahead.

Michaela: [00:12:55] No go ahead Stella.

Stella: [00:12:57] I was just saying that’s something that [00:13:00] I’ve really had to, you know do throughout my son’s education when we were attending, you know, IEP meetings. Is not to always go in there with, you know, my way or the highway, but really trying to partner together and keeping the focus on your child. And how I used to do that, that I thought was worked really well for me when he was younger was, you know, I would always go in with, I always took a picture of him with me because at the time when he did not attend the meetings, when he was younger, I always wanted that focus to be on him. And so I would always take that picture and always took a big 8 by 10 framed picture, and I would put it in the center of the table. And when I would see that our focus was getting off of possibly our, you know, maybe we weren’t communicating effectively like we should, or we were going down another path that really was getting away from [00:14:00] the, you know, the main goal, I would always try to bring that focus back on him. And I would say, you know, we might not all agree right now, but I want us to remember our ultimate goal is to do what is best for Clayton. And I would always center it back in on that picture of him in the middle of the table.

And when I would do that, it seemed that always, you know, always helped to bring our focus. And then we were able to, you know, most of the time, to leave our differences aside and focus on what was best for him.

Michaela: [00:14:30] Exactly. And that’s great because that’s exactly what we want to do, is keep the focus where it needs to be. And on the child that we’re all working together to help.

And so, some barriers to communication are negative history, emotional responses, jargon and alphabet soup, fear or intimidation. So negative history, you don’t want to let the [00:15:00] past hinder the current situation. And this is something that I have gotten hung up on in the past. I think, you know, communication in those ARC meetings or IEP meetings, is so important, but I think it’s also the part that’s very frustrating for a lot of parents.

And so I have I had to learn, you know, that even though things didn’t go the way that I wanted to in the past, to let all of that go and just focus on what we’re talking about right now and make sure that the problem at hand is handled as effectively as possible. And so that was really a big thing for me. And I had to adjust my way of thinking to accomplish that goal.

Emotional responses are natural responses to situations, but they can negatively impact communication. Check your emotions at the door to prevent miscommunication or a breakdown in communication. And that’s a big one too, I think, especially as parents, we tend to get [00:16:00] very emotional at some of these meetings or when we’re advocating for our child. But if you can just kind of turn those emotions off the best you can when you leave the door. I always liked to listen to soothing music on my drive on the way in, if I know I have a big meeting. To kind of clear my head and help me stay levelheaded. And that helps us well.

And when we’re talking about jargon and alphabet soup,  avoid using confusing acronyms because everyone may not understand the jargon and the acronyms used. And that’s another big one when it comes to special education because there are so many terms that we tend to abbreviate even right down to IEP and ARC.

So, and that’s one thing too, if you’re any party in one of those meetings and you don’t understand, it’s always okay to ask somebody else to clarify too. You know, would you mind telling me what that stands for? What is it ARC? You know, what is, you know, an IEP? [00:17:00] Anything like that. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. But also try to avoid using them yourself.

And it can cut down on a lot of miscommunication.

And then, the last barrier to communication is fear or intimidation. Because when someone feels intimidated, it is hard to feel safe and to communicate to his or her child’s needs. And I think, you know, we’ve probably all experienced that at one point or another.

So we definitely want to keep that fear and intimidation out of the situation, if at all possible.

Stella: [00:17:33] And we have at Kentucky SPIN a wonderful handout that is actually not included in the handouts, but I will be sure and send when I send the follow up email to everyone with all of the handouts and the PowerPoint that has all of, you know, the majority of the acronyms that we use in the special education world and what they mean., and it’s okay to take that to those meetings with you as a little cheat sheet. So if something is mentioned in a [00:18:00] meeting and you might not know what that acronym is, you can look it up on your little cheat sheet while you’re in the meeting. And I’ve done that many, many, many times.

The other tip I was thinking of on the emotional responses. That has helped me personally is if you go in, if you’re in a pretty intense meeting and you’re seeing that your emotions are kind of getting away with, you know, taking over. As a matter of fact, one of the meetings that I had with Clayton toward the end of his education when we were transitioning him out of high school, I got extremely emotional in the meeting.

And there were a lot of tensions that were going on right at that moment. And so I asked if we could stop and take a break. And so we did. We stopped. And we took 15 minute break and I walked and, you know, did some self-talk and all of those things that I needed to do to calm myself, so I wouldn’t cry. And so it’s okay to do that.

So, you know, [00:19:00] we’re human. We’re going to do those things, but just know that it’s okay if you need a break and to pause from the meeting for a little while.

Michaela: [00:19:10] Absolutely.

Stella: [00:19:12] Well, we won’t be doing this activity, but if we were in person we would, do a little activity about communication. But, you know, one of the things that you can think about is, really think about some things that may be you communicate with and see if you’re, you know, if you’re a good listener, if you’re not a good listener, if you’re more of the talker, like I was talking about earlier, you know, learn how ways that you can, you know, be a better listener and really practice with family member , and see. My son Clayton is going through a life skills class right now, virtually online, with some of his peers and they’re learning right now how to be a better listener. And so I [00:20:00] think that’s really good for all of us to begin to evaluate ourselves and how we respond to communication.

Michaela: [00:20:09] Yeah. So some tips and strategies to keep in mind for parents, you want to be prepared, talk to other families, read and search the internet for information. Go to workshops and call us at Kentucky SPIN cause we’re always here to help. And that’s what we’re here for.

And you want to nurture relationships. So call and keep in touch. Communicate your concerns early. Send a note or a card, and meet between meetings. So all of these are very great tips and very important.  If you can hook up with another parent and do some research, you know, at the library or find workshops that are available well in your area, go to those.

I mean, that’s really the best thing you can do is be prepared and find out what type of information applies to your child and their [00:21:00] disability, and how they can best be served. You want to go in there having some answers at hand.

And then you can’t build relationships if you only sit around the table once a year. It’s important to keep that communication going, especially if there are concerns to share. Email is a great strategy. I know in between all the meetings, I will, you know, contact our team and anybody, that’s related to the situation. And so, you know, I’ve noticed this at home, is my son doing this at school? And it kind of helps you to keep an ongoing, communication back and forth, so you can best serve them in between the meetings. And also call meetings when things are not changing. Cause you don’t want to wait until things get way out of control just because you have a meeting scheduled next year.

You can call a meeting at any time. So you want to keep in touch in between. And then some good examples of positive ways to keep in touch, you can say a Happy Monday card or keep a notebook, that goes back and forth or stop in and say hello, [00:22:00] when you’re dropping your child off. All of those are really helpful.

And also keeping those partnerships positive. I know when people feel valued and respected, they’re much more likely to meet you in the middle and to help you out with your questions and concerns if they know that you’re thinking of them too. And that’s just human nature. So anything that you can kind of do, nice, to brighten somebody’s day, who works with your child, always do that.

Even if it’s just sending them a little note that says, you know, Hey, I hope your Monday is going great.

More tips and strategies. You want to set the tone of a meeting. Like Stella said, bring a picture of your child. That’s a great way to do that and keep the focus on them.

Ask each team member to share something positive about the child. And that really, really helps a lot too, because I feel like a lot of times these IEP meetings can be so negative. Just because when you’re talking about the things that your child can’t do or the things that your child needs to work [00:23:00] on, you know, that can be a downer for us parents. And, we want to keep it positive.

So it always helps to hear something that other people know about your child that they love or that they like. Another thing is bring fudge. Bring food, or I remember, when my son was in kindergarten, we were first trying to figure out, we had all these long IEP meetings, I brought donuts in and everybody was so excited.

It really goes a long way to help and build those partnerships and everybody bonds with food. Everyone loves food, so that’s a great tip.

And then you want to work toward resolving differences of opinion. Remind everyone what the meeting is about, and keep the focus on the child. And always start those meetings with something positive.

Food is a great way to do that, and it’s a universal ice breaker. And then also you want to find creative ways to resolve differences in opinion.

So you always [00:24:00] want to think about, did you ask questions in a way that you would like them to be answered? Learn to phrase questions so that you get the answer that you are looking for. So if you just ask, did my son do well today, that answer could be yes or no. But if you ask an open ended question, you’re more likely to get a much more detailed response. So if you instead asked, how did my son do today? That answer requires the explanation of how the day went for him. So that’s a big part of communication, as well is learning to ask those open ended questions. And really kind of try to predict the answer you want to get back before you ask it.

Some more tips and strategies like we just talked about. The close ended question, is an example of, did my son do, well today? And that’s helpful if you just need someone to tell you something simple or a one word response, like a yes or no. But if you want [00:25:00] a more detailed answer, you want to look for those open ended questions.

And that example would be, how did my son do today? And this is the type of question you ask, if you need a detailed response.

And both types of questions are good, but we just focus on which serves our needs for information on any given topic. So just whichever one works for you and the experience that you are having,

Differences of opinion. So a good thing to do, the acronym LUCK, is Listen to and restate the other person’s opinion. Use a respectful tone. Compromise or change your opinion if necessary. And Know, and state the reasons for your opinions.

These steps are really useful when a group is [00:26:00] facing a situation where there’s a disagreement. When the steps are followed open communication and result in new ideas that everyone agrees with.

And that’s really the goal. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Repeat back to them in your own words what you think they’re saying,  just so be certain that you do understand and understand correctly. And it’s okay to disagree with another person, but just remember to be respectful and use a respectful tone.

And sometimes what the other person says will change your mind about an issue. It’s allright to compromise or change your opinion if necessary. And know and state the reasons for your opinions. You always want to back up what you’re saying with examples or documentation. That goes so much farther.

For parents, remember that the people you are working with also care for your child. [00:27:00] So the people that work with your child every single day at school, a lot of times they spend more time with them than we get to. And so they do have important information to share, and they do have good input. And you can have an impact on collaborative communication.

Sometimes parents might think that professionals at the table or just there to do a job. The educators get into education because they care about children. Anyone can access public records and verify the educators are not in it for the money, you guys. They’re not getting rich and they seldom get glory.

So, just keep in mind, you know, that they do have a lot of helpful information and,  that they do care about your child. And that’s the reason that they got into the job that they’re doing.

Be confident and your input is valuable because it completes the big picture. And be caring, be comfortable enough to speak up [00:28:00] and share, because you, as the parent do you have the most information, you know that child the best.

So don’t be afraid to share your opinions. And even if communication has been not so collaborative in the past, you can always change how the meetings go just by modeling collaborative communication. And like I said, just treating people how you want to be treated, I really feel like is a good step in the right direction.

Because if you’re disrespectful, they’re more likely to be disrespectful coming back to you. And even if things have gone kind of haywire in the past, you can always come forth and try and come to a resolution to resolve those disagreements. And always bring a healthy attitude and healthy communication strategies going forward. It’s never too late to try and change that.

So coming together is a beginning. Working together for a common goal is [00:29:00] progress and good collaborative communication is a success.

Stella, do we have any questions?

Stella: [00:29:14] I just wanted to, um.s say that, you know, we will be sending out and I’ll, I’ll share a few more handouts that I think will be really great along when I send the email. We were only able to upload five on the webinar, but I will be sending out more following the presentation today.

But also, if you do run into conflict at your school, we are here to help you. You know, resolve some of that. We can certainly work with strategies like Michaela was talking about with you. We’ve all been there, done that. And, you know, so I think that we can offer you some really great information to help. But we appreciate you joining us today, Michaela.

Great job. And, following the webinar, you will be prompted to complete an [00:30:00] evaluation. And we would really appreciate your input. I know this was a short one, but you know, sometimes you don’t have to be long to say everything that needs to be said. So, please fill out the evaluation. I will leave the webinar up for a few minutes.

So in case you do want to go ahead and download the handouts, you can. If not, you can go ahead and exit and fill out our evaluation. And please know that we have a lot of webinars coming up in the future. During this pandemic, we have moved everything to an online platform. So I will be sure and send that handout also with the other handouts so that if you want to register for some of our upcoming webinars, we would really, really appreciate that.

I will tell you Tuesday we have scheduled a COVID-19 webinar update with some educational updates. And I will also include that link in the email that I send out to everyone. So if you [00:31:00] want to register for that and pass that along to some families or educators, professionals, we will be going over guidance that was recently released from the Kentucky Department of Education regarding the 2021 school year. So we’ll be going over some of that with folks on Tuesday at 11 so I will send that out.

But thank you so much. I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend, even though it’s going to be rainy.

And thank you again, Michaela for sharing with us today. And like I said, I will leave the webinar up for you to download the handouts for about five more minutes. Thanks so much everyone.