Stress Management Webinar

Stella: Well, good morning, everyone, and welcome to our webinar today. I am Stella Beard I am the Assistant Director for Kentucky SPIN, and we are so happy that you have joined us. It’s 11 o’clock, so we want to go ahead and get started. We are going to be talking about Stress Management for Everyday. And I believe that we all kind of need a little bit of stress management right now with everything that’s going on in our world.

[00:00:32] So hopefully you all will walk away today with some tips and strategies that will help you all handle stress. I want to tell you just a little bit about Kentucky SPIN, but we are a 501-C3 nonprofit organization. Our mission is to link families and individuals with disabilities to valuable resources that will enable them to live productive, fulfilling lives.

[00:00:57] We are the parent training and information project. And we are funded by the US Department of Education. Our parents center provides training information and support for children and youth with all types of disabilities birth through age 26, their parents, families, and professionals.

[00:01:15] And I’m sure we have parents and professionals on the call today and we’re real excited about that. But what makes Kentucky SPIN unique is that the majority of our board of directors and all of our staff and consultants are persons with disabilities, parents or family members of persons with disabilities. And so when a family member calls Kentucky SPIN, they not only receive expertise and knowledge of a professional, but also the compassion and empathy of someone who has walked and continues to walk in their shoes. I myself, for example, have a 24 year old with an intellectual disability.

[00:01:53] And I will let you know, sometimes the slides are a little delayed. so please bear with us as that occurs. It happens no matter if I have really fast WIFI or not. But another thing we do not act as attorneys, but what we do is we empower families to effectively advocate for their children. And also we provide peer support to help families access needed information and resources. Our website is full of amazing resources, so I encourage you to visit our website, which is www.KYSPIN.com and you will find some wonderful resources.

[00:02:36] Just a little bit of housekeeping on your dashboard, on the right hand side, you will see a little tab that says handouts. If you click on that and expand that you will see two handouts there. One is the PowerPoint from today’s presentation. And the other is a handout called Youth Who are Under Stress. Those are for you to do download and have, but I will let you know, we will be sending a follow up email tomorrow that will also include those handouts. So if you don’t have time to download them now you can receive them in the email.

[00:03:16] Also, I want to let you know, throughout the presentation today, I may have you type something in the chat box. You’ll see that also on the right hand side, if for some reason you’re not able to type in the chat box, you can also hover over the question box and type that in there for a response. On the call today or on the webinar today with us is Kellie Smith, she’s our training coordinator. So Kellie will be assisting me today in the presentation. If you have questions, please be sure and type those into the question box. We’ll probably wait until the end of the presentation to check, to, excuse me, to go over those questions. But if we do have a little bit of time, we’ll try to answer those during the presentation.

[00:04:04] So for our agenda today, we’re going to be talking about what is stress? The impact of stress, how to reduce stress and taking care of yourself. I just have a question for you right now. Are you stressed? I mean, I think we probably all could say, yeah, we’re all probably a little stressed right now. If it’s not about COVID, it could be about something else that’s going on in your life. So hopefully we are going to give you some strategies today that will help you with stress.

[00:04:39] So what is stress? Well, it’s an imbalance between the demands present in our lives and the resources available to cope with those demands. I’m telling you, when stress occurs, guys, I don’t know about you, but it’s kind of paralyzing. It makes you, you know, I like to say that I can handle things pretty well, but everyone has a breaking point. And so what we’re going to help you with today hopefully is how to give you some coping mechanisms that will help you when stress does hit us.

[00:05:18] So stress can have a major impact on multiple areas of your life. But according to the American Psychological Association study the impact of stress, one third or 31% of employed adults have difficulty managing work and family responsibilities. One half, which is 50% of Americans say that stress has a negative impact on both their personal and professional lives.

[00:05:51] And I can attest to that when I’m stressed about, either it could be work related or personal related, it has an impact on both of those parts of my life. Whether I want to say it does or not, it truly does. And I’m sure we all can say that. And over one third, which is 35% cite jobs interfering with their family or personal time as a significant source of stress.

[00:06:20] So that many people say that it interferes with their job. And I can agree to that too at times. Stress causes more than half of Americans to fight with people close to them. Can I get an amen? Like when we’re stressed, we tend to take it out on those that we love the most.

[00:06:42] One in four people report that they have been alienated from a friend or family member because of stress an 8% connect stress to divorce or separation.

[00:06:54] So in the chat box, if this is something that impacts, if stress impacts you in a very significant way, just type that in there. Yes, it does. No it doesn’t. I just kinda like to get a handle on who, you know, how it affects people, in your area everyday life. If it doesn’t, that’s totally fine. You can either do it in the question box are in the chat box. I had someone already say yes, it does.

[00:07:23] And I think that’s really important that we acknowledge it rather than, sweep it under the rug. And I think that’s what we’re going to talk about today is just acknowledging it and how we can handle it.

[00:07:38] I love this little cartoon. That’s getting ready to pop up on your screen right now, but it simply says, I’m a little stressed right now. Just turn around and leave quietly, and no one gets hurt. It’s funny because my kids and my husband know when I’m stressed. I just have a tension that is obvious with everyone. And I think I could probably say the majority of you all feel the same way. It doesn’t matter how many cups of coffee I have that day or what’s going on, if I am stressed, it is going to be evident in every situation that I’m faced with throughout my day. And I’m sure you all feel the same.

[00:08:27] So this word, breathe. When I see it written that way in that beautiful script, for some reason, it makes me just pause. And that’s what we have to think about when we see or hear the word breathe, because controlled breathing is a quick and easy way to relax and bring down your stress levels. It can be done basically anywhere, anytime you need to relax, or release stress. And especially when you need a quick fix. I have an Apple watch and on my watch, I have a little setting on there and every now and then I have it pop up like every three hours. And it’s a reminder for me to breathe and it comes up just like that. It says breathe.

[00:09:13] So if you have an Apple watch enable that feature and that’ll help you control that stress throughout the day. But here’s something, if we were in a room right now doing this presentation, I would have you all do this, so I’m just gonna read it to you. And I want you to think about the steps that are taking and when I read this to you. And I think you’ll, you’ll see what I’m talking about in just a minute.

[00:09:40] So sit or lie flat in a comfortable position, put one hand on your belly just below your ribs. And the other hand on your chest, close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose and let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should not move. Breathe out through your lips as if you were whistling. Feel the hand on your belly go in and use it to push all the air out. Do this breathing three to 10 times. Take your time with each breath, notice how you feel at the end of that exercise.

[00:10:24] So even though we’re not in the room together and we all may not have been able to do that exercise, I want you to know that that is something, that you can do, just a simple breathing exercise really helps.

[00:10:41] Someone even put on here that stress keeps them from sleeping. And I think that’s true in stress will also make your hair fall out. Stress can really cripple anything that you are wanting to do at that moment. And honestly, when I get stressed, when I don’t use some coping mechanisms that I’ve learned throughout my life, I just want to go to bed. Because a lot of times, I think if I can just sleep through it, it’ll all go away. But how many of you know, when you wake up, guess what? It’s still going to be there.

[00:11:17] So here are some of the most common physical symptoms of stress. And once that pops up on your screen and you see it a little bit, you’ll understand, I’m going to read a few of them. Headaches are one. Back, shoulder or neck pain. I know, my mother-in-law is really good at this because she gets a massage every month because of stress and because her back and shoulders are locked up. And so that helps her reduce some of those symptoms of stress. Also an upset stomach. I know, I’m a singer, so a lot of times when I get ready to perform, no matter how many times I’ve practiced or I feel like I’m ready, I still kind of get that upset stomach, you know, just that little bit of uneasiness or stress right before I go on stage. Muscle tension, fatigue, skin problems, you can have hives, itching, weight gain. Jaw pain, you know, I’ve heard people say, you know, when they’re stressed, their jaw just locks up and I think that’s true. High blood pressure. There’s hair loss on here, sweaty palms, chest pain, just that irregular heartbeat. We all feel that when we get stressed, it’s like your heart is just those palpitations that just really, really make it seem, you know, a lot worse than it is.

[00:12:53] Then we’re going to talk about some emotional symptoms of stress. These are just a few, but there’s a lot more than this I’m sure. But depression, moodiness, that feeling of butterflies, that feeling in your stomach, that just makes you your stomach flip. Anxiety, memory problem, you know, you just kinda can’t remember anything. Overreactions, I’m a big culprit of this one. When I’m stressed I overreact to about anything. My glass that usually I see half-empty suddenly becomes half-full and I am constantly I’m sorry. It was vice versa My glass that is usually half-full. I then begin to see it as half-empty. So I am stressed, everything, I just overreact about anything.

[00:13:41] I can’t concentrate. I literally just can’t work because I am so stressed about certain things, no matter what it is, if it’s a personal situation or if it’s work-related. Trouble thinking clearly, and feeling out of control. I think that is very, very important. What I try to do too when that stress comes up on me, I try to take, even if it’s just a five minute break, if I’m at work and I’m feeling the stress of a project or a deadline that is due, I try to take five minutes and just step away from the situation. If that means just walking around. I work from home, regardless of COVID, I do work from home anyway. And so if that just means taking a walk around my living room or getting up and walking outside and just taking, just stuff five minute mental health break. Well, usually when I come back to the situation, it’s not that anything has changed, it’s just, my attitude has changed and sometimes that’s all that’s really needed.

[00:14:46] So I love this little cartoon when it pops up. Do you even hear the words I say? And the girl with the smile on her face says the ones I like. And that’s so true. It’s so funny how that is. Sometimes we become so overwhelmed with our problems just taking a few minutes to talk to a trusted friend or family member can make a world of difference. We here at Kentucky SPIN we have weekly staff calls. And we get on zoom where we can see each other faces, and a lot of times the first part of our calls are not work related at all. It’s usually just letting out those things that maybe are overwhelmingness that week. And so we’re able to talk to each other and just talk it through. And every time we get off of those staff calls, I feel so much better. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the problem has changed. It just means that I’ve been able to vocalize it. So find someone you trust who’ll just sit and listen without interruption or judge, and then just let it out.

[00:15:48] We say our weekly staff calls are a safe place, we call them Vegas, what happens there, stays there. And that has helped so much for us. And you know what, it’s okay to talk about you sometimes. I feel like, you know, I’m a good listener and I listen to other folks’ issues on a daily basis. And so every now and then I need that time when I can just vent to someone. And that’s why I like our calls so much, because it’s a time when I can just be Stella and not be judged. And so I really, really appreciate that.

[00:16:25] So this next slide, we are going to talk about 10 ways to ease stress. So remember, you don’t have to really take notes because you’re going to get the PowerPoint. But I do want to read a couple of things in addition to just what’s on this line.

[00:16:42] So eat and drink sensibly. So alcohol and food abuse seem to reduce stress, but it actually adds to it. A lot of times we think, oh, I’ll just have a drink and forget it. Well, guess what? Once that drink wears off, it’s still gonna be there.

[00:16:57] So assert yourself, you do not have to meet others expectations or demands. It’s okay to say no. Remember being assertive allows you to stand up for your rights and beliefs, while respecting those of others. I used to always feel like I had to say no, and then give a reason why I was saying no, but guess what? Now that I’m older. All I do is say, no, I can’t do that, period. I don’t have to give an explanation. And that’s really liberating when you get to that point.

[00:17:35] Number three stop smoking or other bad habits. Aside from the obvious health risks of cigarettes, nicotine acts as a stimulant and brings on more stress symptoms. So give yourself the gift of dropping those unhealthy habits. We all have them, you know, so just think about something, if it’s not smoking, think about another bad habit that you have. And that could definitely help you reduce stress.

[00:18:04] Exercise regularly. Lord, how many times have we been told this, but choose noncompetitive exercise and set reasonable goals. You know aerobic exercise has been shown to release endorphins, and that will help you feel better and maintain a positive attitude. So don’t set out this goal of I’m going to exercise, you know, 30 minutes every single day. If you know for a fact that you’re not going to be able to meet that goal, set a realistic goal. You know, if it’s anything just, I wouldn’t get up from my desk, every day, and walk for five minutes. That’s a pretty easy goal to achieve. Set those reasonable goals though, and I think that will help you achieve goals better.

[00:18:52] Study and practice, relaxing relaxation technique. We kind of did that a few minutes ago. But relax every day. She’s from a variety of different techniques. Take time for deep relaxation and a time for aerobic exercise. And that’s a way to protect your body from the effects of stress.

[00:19:14] So number six, take responsibility. Control what you can and leave behind what you cannot control. I’m going to say that one more time. Control what you can and leave behind what you cannot control. I think that is so valuable, I am the first to admit I’m kind of a control freak. And when I’m not in control, it drives me crazy, but I have learned to let go. Because I don’t need any more added stress in my life. And so that is very, very important to think about.

[00:19:52] The next one says, examine your values. No, I’m sorry. Reduce stressors. That’s the next one. Many people find that life is filled with too many demands and too little time. For the most part, these demands are ones we have chosen. But effective time management skills involve asking for help when appropriate, setting priorities, pacing yourself and taking time out for yourself. I think that is so valuable that we take that time out for ourselves. And it’s okay to do that. In a world where our calendars are crammed packed, full of lots of activities with work or personal, you have to make sure you prioritize those. And so what has helped me is at night, before I go to sleep, when my brain is still working, I go ahead and I write down those things that I want to get done the following day. Then it seems I’m able to then relax, because I’ve got them written down on my to-do list. And my to-do list is with me everywhere I go. And I think that’s so important and I love, love, love checking things off my to-do list.

[00:21:13] So number eight, examine your values and live by them. The more your actions reflect your beliefs the better you will feel. No matter how busy your life is, use your values when choosing your activities. Guess what is valuable guys, your time. Your time is valuable. So you need to treat it valuable and don’t let others rob you of it when you’ve not given any to yourself or your family. I think that is very, very important.

[00:21:43] Number nine set realistic goals and expectations. It’s okay and healthy to realize you cannot be 100% successful at everything at once. We are guilty of wearing way too many hats and guess what? When we were way too many hats, we are not good at it hardly anything. So it’s important, it’s very, very important that you set those realistic goals and expectations.

[00:22:13] And I love this last one. Tell yourself to yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself of what you do well and have a healthy sense of self-esteem.

[00:22:24] So I hope those 10 steps really helped you because they sure did me and still do. So now we’re going to talk about some tension relievers. Tension relievers. So I love this one. Give yourself 10 minutes every morning to think about your day. So if you’ve done what I did just said a few minutes ago, if you write down those things that are a priority for you to do the following day, when you wake up in the morning, the first thing that I do is I look at my to-do list of the things that I have to get done for the day. Now my to-do list might be longer than that, but I know those highlighted things that are, really, really important for me to get done that day. And that’s called a priority. I think that’s really important to do that. So the first 10 minutes of your morning, think about your day. Think about what you’re going to be doing for that day.

[00:23:18] Sit and do nothing for five minutes. And usually what I do is I get my coffee and I go into my living room, which is also my office. And I’ll sit there and I’ll look at my to-do list and I’ll go, okay, what do I need to do first? I think what happens is if we’re running late or something, we just jump right in and then we’re already overwhelmed. So give yourself that time in the morning, before I go in my office, though, I do try to get up earlier than my workday starts. And I had my quiet time in my case, I read my devotion. And then I sit there and I have my 10 minutes to think about my day. And then I sit there at my desk and decide what I’m going to do first.

[00:24:01] So take your child for a flower walk. I love this, sniff every flower along the way. Sometimes we are so busy that we are overwhelmed and we forget to look at the beauty around us. What keeps me doing that every day, I don’t have a small child anymore, but I have two dogs that are very demanding of my attention. And so what I do, my breaks consist of walking my dogs around our pond, two or three times during the day. And what that allows me for me to do is it allows me to sit back and just relax and chill for a few minutes. I’m getting that exercise. I’m getting that, you know, whether it’s raining, whether it’s snowing, I try to do that every single day. And it does help.

[00:24:48] Spend five minutes looking up at the night sky. Go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather that we’re having now, because guess what, at night it’s a lot cooler. And so it’s real important to do that. Spend that time looking up and enjoying the beautiful sky that we see every night.

[00:25:05] And send someone an unexpected postcard, letter, text, however you want to do it in today’s world. Because it makes that person feel so special. And then they’re going to call you and say, you will not know how much that meant to get that from you. And then guess what that’s going to make you feel good. So when you’re feeling down or when you need a stress reliever reach out to someone else, and I promise you, it will make all the difference in the world.

[00:25:37] So talking about stress. How many of us are stress eaters? How many of us are stress eaters? A lot of us, I’m sure. If you’re a stressing or type in the chat box, stress eat, or are in the question box, stress eat. I’m a stress eater, I do. So this is kind of a stress diet, but stress can also have that negative impact on our diet. So we may start the day out eating healthy. Yep, I see some stress eaters here, definitely. So we start out eating healthy, but as the day progresses and stress builds, we often give into our bodies increased cravings for guess what, sweets, carbs and other unhealthy choices. And before you’ve noticed it, you’ve already eaten your weight in cookies and ice cream. So, I love my candy. So much that for my 54th birthday, this past year, my husband bought me 54 boxes of candy. So my choice for my stress eating is like Runts and Mike and Ike’s and Hot Tamales, and gummy bears. Those are things that I love. So he bought me 54 boxes of those for my birthday. So I have a great supply of candy when I do get stressed. But that is not always the best way to handle it.

[00:27:00] But this little slide here, shows you exactly how our day may look. So for, you know, breakfast, we started out with our half a grapefruit. We’ve got our whole wheat toast, our skim milk, then lunch, we go into that lean grilled chicken breast and herb tea. We just might have one Oreo cookie for lunch, but then our main afternoon snack, here we go. We eat the rest of those Oreos. We eat two pints of Rocky road ice cream, a jar of hot fudge. We add the whipped cream on top of it. By dinner we’re just diving into the bread, pizza, Snickers bars. And then at night we go have that rest of that frozen cheesecake, and then we just eat it directly from the freezer with a fork. That’s usually how our day starts, am I. Am I hearing anyone’s say yep, that’s me.

[00:27:52] And I love this, no chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted. I think that is so priceless though, because that’s exactly what we do, guys, we start out great, we have all these wonderful goals and how we’re going to reduce our stress by losing weight. And then bam. Before it’s over then after we’ve had that mid-afternoon snack, what do we do? We just say, forget it, I’ve already messed up. I might as well really go mess up now. I’m sure a lot of you can agree with that.

[00:28:20] So these are 12 proven stress reducers, and I love this. And I have tried these and I promise you, a lot of them are still ones that I use today. And I’m going to tell you those too.

[00:28:35] So get out of bed 15 minutes earlier to avoid the morning rushing around. Because how many of you know, when you’re late, when you wake up late, you’ve already started your  day stressed out. So get out of bed 15 minutes earlier. One of the things that’s not on here that I do, as soon as I get out of bed, the very first thing, as long as my husband is still not in it, I’ll make up my bend because there is just something calming to me, of getting out of that bed, as soon as, that’s before I drink my coffee, that’s before I do anything. When my feet hit the floor, if my feet are on the floor, my bed will be made. And I think that is really, really important to start your day out that way. I’ve trained my children that way. Their beds may not look like mine when it’s made up, but at least they do it.

[00:29:20] Prepare for the morning the evening before. I do this and I’ve done this forever. I set out my clothes, whatever I’m going to wear, I even put out my jewelry if I am going to be. I always think about what I’m going to have for breakfast, for lunch. And make sure and all that is already, you know, thought of beforehand. And I think that’s really important. If you work outside of the home, you know, are you going to take your lunch or are you going to go out for lunch that day, already had that in your mind. If an unpleasant task faces you, do it early in the day and get it over with. The worst thing we do, that is a big stress issue for a lot of it is procrastination. So if you put off those things that are the hardest, you will continue to put them off. So do those first, then the rest of your day will be relaxing. And I love that.

[00:30:14] Every day do at least one thing you really enjoy. Whatever it is, pick one thing that you really enjoy and make sure that you do that every day. You know, as much as my dogs sometimes drive me crazy, I look forward to their love and their unconditional love for me every day. And I know they are going to want me to walk them. And I love that. I love doing that for them. Sometimes it might be in the middle of a webinar and I have to, you know, shoo them off for a little while and say, not yet. But I do enjoy doing that.

[00:30:52] Write things down, guys. Don’t rely on your memory. I’m telling you, you know, like I told you, I’m 54 and I can’t remember anything, if it’s not written down. I’m telling you I’m the queen of post-it notes and a to-do list and a grocery list and all of those lists, lists, lists. So if you’re a list person, make sure you write things down. If you’re not a list person, and you have a great memory right now, kudos to you. But there will come a time when you’re going to have to write things down.

[00:31:20] And then ask questions, repeat directions, repeat what you heard, you know, the other person say. Taking an extra minute to be sure you understand what was said, can save time and prevent aggravation. I talked to my kids about this all the time. You know, don’t have that know-it-all attitude. You know, listen before you speak. Make sure you understand. If you don’t ask a question so you can find out the answer.

[00:31:46] But implementing a few of these small changes can make a huge difference in how your day starts and progresses. And I promise you they’re true.

[00:31:55] So going on to number seven now, always carry reading material to enjoy while waiting in lines or for appointment. You know, we used to have to take magazines and books with us and every now and then I’ll still like to do that because what I find now is when I’m in a waiting room and I’ll see everyone on their phone, sometimes it kind of gives you that impression that, you know, you don’t want to, they don’t want to be bothered, okay. They might not. But when it was a magazine, you kind of would put it down for a minute, then you’d kind of look around. Well we have our phones now, we just keep them in our faces all the time. But make sure that you do have something to do while you’re waiting, because you’re probably going to have to wait in line somewhere or for an appointment. And so it’s good to have something.

[00:32:37] So do one thing at a time. I’d like to say I’m the queen of multitasking, but a lot of times that’s not always good because more than likely I’m going to mess something up.

[00:32:47] Don’t sweat the small stuff. I mean, just brush it off your shoulder and move on, pick your battles, I think that is so, so important.

[00:32:55] And resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged and sympathetic with the striving, tolerant with the weak and aware that for some time in your life you will have been all of them. So I think that is a very valuable statement. You know, I say this all the time, my children are not young anymore, they’re older now, you know, pretty independent. My son with an intellectual disability still needs quite a bit of assistance every now and then, but you know what I’m allowing them to, you know, grow and make mistakes on their own, but just be compassionate. Because they’re going to make mistakes and you need to be there for them, through all of that.

[00:33:39] Pamper yourself, get your hair and nails was done. Get a massage, go to a spa. I’ve got no problem with any of those. I love getting my hair done and I love having my nails done. If that’s not you then find something that you love and make sure that you pamper yourself every now and then too, especially if you’re a giver, like I am, or, you know, I probably would consider myself very codependent. And so it is, I’m always taking care of someone else. And so this is really good that sometimes I do need to be pampered too.

[00:34:11] And just take a few minutes to look at a silly movie or a TV show, you know, take that time, out that, you know, you go, okay, I still will waste time doing that, but know every now and then you need to do that. So I think that that is real important that you do to do that.

[00:34:31] So our next slides says stress relief for the working week or anytime. So we’re going to talk about on the next slide some quick, inexpensive and creative ways to unwind after a stressful day at work. And I love this little picture here, staring at the computer with how many cups of coffee? You know, I try to limit myself to two and then I usually have some water and then some diet Coke. I have to have my diet Coke for the day.

[00:35:01] So stress relief. When life has you stressed and you can’t afford rehab, here are some things to bring relief and you don’t even have to leave home. And I love these and I’m going to elaborate on some of them.

[00:35:15] So be a guest in your own home. Treat yourself as though you’re staying at a top rated hotel. Buy beautiful blankets, some luxurious  towels and an expensive bars so that you normally may not would have spent that money on. Fill the house with flowers and put them by your bed, by your bath, on the kitchen table, et cetera.

[00:35:37] I love to take a bath at night and I love to put candles around and have music playing and it just really helps me unwind. The other thing I do is I do go buy myself flowers every now and then. I love fresh cut flowers. We live in the country. We have an Amish family lives down the road from us and they had a beautiful wildflower garden and they do fresh cut flowers, and I love bringing them home. It really, really helps.

[00:36:05] Light up your life. A home should be lit to create a sense of comfort, ease and intimacy. Side lights and dimmers make a much warmer and calmer environment than harsh overhead lighting. Overhead lighting is for your office, the rest of your house should be lit accordingly to make it comfortable.

[00:36:28] In our kitchen we have one of those dimmer switches and I do love that. Provide a range of bulbs to suit different moods and tasks. And I’ll love candlelight. Get you some candles or get you some candle warmers and put them in your house.

[00:36:43] Become a bathing beauty. Like I said, love me bath time. Set aside an entire evening and give yourself a beauty treatment at home. Have a long bath. Use oil, surround it with candles, put on your favorite music and afterwards, wrap yourself up and quietly sit for 10 minutes in that robe and just sit there and just relax. And I promise you, you will feel the tension leaving your shoulders.

[00:37:10] Moisturize all over. Give yourself a manicure, blow dry your hair, fix your hair, and you will emerge an entirely different person. It’s so funny. I get comments all the time. When people find out I work from home, they say, Stella, I bet you stay in your pajamas all day. You know what. I don’t, like I said, when my feet hit the floor, I have my bed made and then I get a shower, I get dressed, I put my jewelry on and my makeup and I go into work. Just like anyone else that would be leaving their home to go to work,. I just do it in my own home and go to my office. And it does help my stress because if I’m sitting there in my pajamas, I want to go do laundry or dishes, not work. So I have to train myself or I had to train myself to go into work in my living room and that became an everyday occurrence. And I have it.

[00:38:06] Mood music is so important. Put on your favorite music, dance, have fun, you know, sit back in a comfortable chair, dim the lights. Listen, you know, close those curtains, lock the doors, turn up the music, up the volume and just dance away the tension. It really does work. As I told you earlier, I’m a singer so I love just to try a new song or, or, you know, put on my headphones and just belt something out when no one’s around, even though I might miss a note or whatever. It just really, really helps.

[00:38:36] And a little light reading. And often the best cure for stressed out mind is something a little less demanding. So in our world, you know, so with, you know, our world is the disability world and special education and IEPs and all of that. So if I don’t want to be stressed, I’m probably not going to pick something on that topic. I’m going to pick something that might be a little more relaxing, that is not going to stress me out and think I need to go help someone understand, you know, Kentucky’s special education regulations. I want to have something that’s just a little more light reading and just escape. So that could be a good fiction book or something like that or I call it a trashy magazine, you know, something like US weekly or People or something like that, that I don’t even have to think about. Sometimes that really helps, you know.

[00:39:29] Watch a movie, you know, pay that $4 and rent a movie and just sit there for two hours and watch it. I think that’s real important. Turn off your phone, get away from it all. That’s real important sometimes for us to disconnect from social media for a while, especially right now, you don’t know what to believe anymore. So step away from the social media for a while and watch your stress go down.

[00:39:56] And it’s good to talk about it, call a good friend and just chat. You know, sometimes that’s real important. Order takeout and just have a good laugh. I think that’s real important. And food fit for a King. Cook your favorite meal, whatever it is, do it and then, you know, enjoy it. And I love to do this, my family, we eat on paper plates. It’s just easy guys, I’m telling you. Paper plates and we have a big stack of red cups, red solo cups, that’s what they drink at it. And then we had those paper cups for coffee, but every now and then I say, guys we’re going to get out the china tonight when it’s really just our everyday dishes. But to them, they’re like, wahoo, I love it. So every now and then treat your family like they’re Kings and Queens, and I promise you, they will love it too and it’ll make your stress go down.

[00:40:49] So except the things that you cannot change. Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. We’ve talked about that. Look for the upside, it’s so important. Always look for the positive instead of the negative, you know, sometimes we just have to accept it. We’re not always going to be in control of every situation. So I’m giving you permission to let go, just like the little song, [sings] Let it go, let it go.

[00:41:20] Sometimes we have to let it go so that he can have the stress-free life that we so deserve and you need. So share your feelings, find a trusted friend that you can talk to and vent, I promise you though, you can’t be real with everyone, but you can find someone that can be a good trusted friend, that you can confide in.

[00:41:45] And learn to forgive. I’m going to add a word to that quickly. Don’t hold a grudge, it is not worth it. It is not worth it because the only person that it hurts when you’re not forgiving someone is you. So remember that. But relinquishing control is very hard, but with time, patience and practice it’ll become easier to stop worrying about those things you simply can’t change.

[00:42:11] And as I said, if you had a question or a thought, please feel free to drop those in the chat boxes. Kellie’s going to kind of monitor those. If we have any questions or anything that’ll really help, you know, just have that interaction right now.

[00:42:26] So now moving onto the next slide, we’re going to talk about taking care of yourself.

[00:42:34] So here’s some tips for taking care of yourself and your family. No matter how busy and rushed our lives are it’s very important to take time for yourself and your family, because most of the time we put everyone else above the most important, which is yourself and your family. So here are some quick tips for doing that.

[00:42:55] Set aside time with your partner. Use email, voicemail and I’m going to add texting to stay in touch. Another one I’m going to throw out an app to you that I absolutely love, it’s called Marco Polo and it’s just an app it’s on my phone and I can do a quick video, and send it to them, send it to my husband. And then he can send a quick video back to me and it’s so cool. It’s just kind of a walkie talkie system that we really, really love with the video. And it’s not like FaceTime. It’s not, you know, live, you’re sending it to them and then they’re sending it to you. But every now and then just during the day, I’ll send him a quick Marco Polo and just say, hey, just want you to know I’m thinking about you. Or a quick text. We have a group text also, I call it Family and it’s all my kids are on that text. And so it’s just a good way for us to keep funny stuff going back and forth. Or if I say I need everybody off the WIFI, I’m going to be on a webinar. It’s just a great way for us to keep in touch quickly.

[00:44:00] So schedule one-on-one time with each child. Write the child’s name by the date on your calendar and let the child pick the place and activity. I love that. Have a date night with your kid. I think that’s so, so important because before you know it, time will be blind by and they’ll be in college, married, going to be a senior in high school. It’s crazy. That’s where my life is right now. And so it happens very, very quickly.

[00:44:26] Also have a date with your spouse or your significant other. That’s real important. And master the art of the short escape. Right now, a lot of people are doing staycation so visit a local attraction for an afternoon or a local resort for a weekend. You know, short escapes will help you unwind sometimes if it just means, you know, pitching a tent outside and going to sleep out there for a little while or something. Doing something that doesn’t cost a lot of money, but, you know, is real important. Turn your living room into paradise, decorate it up and you know, that’s real, real important.

[00:45:05] Nurture friendships. Make time to go to the movies, have meals, exercise, or take a walk with friends. You know, invest in your friends. You know, being a friend is it something that’s real important to me. I always want to think I’m a good friend, but also, you know, investing in your friends. Sending them little notes and cards or just texting of, hey, just thinking about you today. My good friend, Michelle and I, we do that every morning. Hey, hope you have a great day. And I tell you, it makes a huge difference when I get those little Marcos from her or that little text and vice versa.

[00:45:40] But find another parent with whom you can connect with or kind of make contact with when you’re worried and need encouragement. I think that’s real important that you find someone like-minded that you can talk with and share things with.

[00:45:54] So share childcare with another family. I think that’s real important. Pick times each week when you can help the family and when they can help you. And you’ll each have someone to contact when you need a break and don’t charge each other, just I’ll help you, you help me. And that is a wonderful friend to have and a great resource to use also.

[00:46:14] So help others. If you spend one hour a month helping others, this will help you keep your problems in perspective, and you will know that you are not alone. One of the things that I do in this regard is I do, what’s called pay it forward. I’m sure you all have heard of it, going through a drive through and I’ll pull up to the window and I’ll say, hey, I want to pay for the people behind me. And you know, I love doing that. And I promise you most of the time when I’ve done it, it’s been a pretty significant size bill, but you know what, it makes me feel so good when I do that. And I know that I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart because those people do not know me. So I’m not going to get those look what Stella did, isn’t she great and wonderful. It’s just the simple fact, knowing in my heart that I was able to bless that person behind me. And it really, really helps when I’m stressed and it just makes me feel better. And I know it has helped them.

[00:47:10] But set aside a block of time to do special education tasks, you know, that are making phone calls and filing documents. So if you are a parent of a child with an intellectual developmental disability, set aside those times to work on that. Or I promise you if you don’t, it will consume you and then before you know what you will get burnt out. So we don’t want you to do that. We don’t want more stress added to your already stressful life, so it’s so important.

[00:47:39] Simplify, get rid of clutter. Your home will be more relaxing and peaceful. Just go through, if paper drives you crazy, declutter. I promise you, you don’t need all this stuff that you have. And I’m speaking to myself too. I do that like once or twice a year, go through my clothes, go through my house and do all that. And I donate. Sometimes I try to sell stuff, but most of the time I just donate it. If I haven’t touched it in a year, it’s gone.

[00:48:05] Take the phone off the hook. And when you need quiet time, turn your phone off for a few hours. Take care of your health. Schedule and keep appointments with doctors. If you feel anxious or depressed, see a mental health professional. You know, mental health is a truly, is truly real. And so you need to get the help that you need.

[00:48:24] So, if we were doing a face-to-face training we would have you right now write this letter. A letter to yourself and we would have you mail it, or we would have you give it to us, here at SPIN, and in six months what we would do is we would mail that letter to you. You address the envelope to yourself, we put the stamp on it and in six months we mail it to you.

[00:48:48] But what we’re going to do is with this, when you get the PowerPoint and you’ll have this letter. We want you to think of something that in six months, you hope you’re be doing. And just for some examples here, do a better job of taking care of myself in the next few months, I’ll make this one change. What’s one thing, one change you want to do to better take care of yourself. And, you know, to help your friends, family, coworkers, remember to take care of themselves. Here’s my idea about one thing I can do to contribute to reducing stress in our home or work site.

[00:49:25] Those are just some suggestions. So I encourage you, whatever you want, whatever you decide your letter to do. You know, if you want to put it up and write on your calendar to read it in six months, see if you’ve kept up with that. I think it’s real important that we make those goals and then see if we follow up with them.

[00:49:45] But an easy thing you can do right now is give yourself a pat on the back. If there’s ever been a time, when you feel you need a pat on your back and there’s no one to do it, we got you covered. So we are going to give you, everybody virtually, a pat on the back right now. And if you need to print this page out and put it up on your mirror every day, where you see it, and when you don’t feel like you’re getting that help that you need, pat yourself on the back, we give you permission to do that. So I think that’s pretty cool to do that.

[00:50:21] Give yourself a break guys. It’s so important to give yourself a break. So if we were in person too, we would give you all one of these old stress bags right now. But since we’re not, we’re virtually going to provide you with this wonderful little stress bag. And I’m going to read it. And in what we would do is we’d have a little baggie and all of these little symbols would be in there with a little piece of paper that talked about what they all mean.

[00:50:48] But a rubber band, to remind you to stretch your ideas and your mind to new limits so you will continue to grow. A tissue, to remind you to see the tears and needs of others, as well as yourself. A candy kiss, to remind you that everyone needs a hug, kiss or a word of encouragement every single day. A lifesaver to, remind you to think of your family and friends as your lifesaver. They will be there for you during stressful times. A penny, to remember remind you of the value of your thoughts, share them with others. An eraser, to remind you that we all make mistakes and they can all be a valuable learning tool.

[00:51:31] A toothpick, to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others and to be tolerant, and accepting of the differences in people. Stars, to remind you to believe you are a star, then you will light up the sky for others. A paperclip to remind you to keep altogether, just clip the pieces together and hang on, things will get better.

[00:51:55] So again, and you have permission to print this page out when you get the PowerPoint. Remind yourself of this, you can even create your own little bag with all of this if you need a reminder, a visual reminder, like I do. I am definitely a very visual person.

[00:52:14] Well, we’ve come to the end of our website and I hope that there was something that was said that will help you relieve stress. With everything that’s going on in our world right now, we need some stress reducers instead of stress magnifiers. And it seems like that’s what we’ve been getting a lot lately, is more stress, more stress. So this should give you some things that you can do that will help you relieve stress.

[00:52:46] I’m going to ask Kellie, if we have any questions, we have just a few minutes before our hour is up. So Kellie, did we have any questions?

[00:52:56] Kellie: We don’t have anything.

[00:52:58] Stella: Okay, wonderful. Well, if you all, when we are done, when you log out and you are finished, if you would please complete our evaluation at the end of the presentation, it’ll pop up and, so we would appreciate you doing that. Tomorrow you will receive an email. In that email it will have the handouts. If you didn’t get a chance to complete the evaluation today, they’ll give you another opportunity to do that. And then it will also give you a certificate of completion for attending the one-hour presentation today in case you need that for whatever reason.

[00:53:36] But thank you so much, Kellie, and I appreciate you being with us today. This is our contact information, if you would like to reach out to Kentucky SPIN, we’d really love to hear from you. We do have additional webinars scheduled throughout the month of August. And we will be sure that we include that in that follow up email tomorrow. So you will have ways that you can register for all of our upcoming webinars through August. And we are also be doing a few webinars through September. Kellie is there anything else you need to say before we go?

[00:54:13] Kellie: I’m sorry, I forgot to mute, but no, not at all. And thank you all for joining us. We don’t take your time lightly.

[00:54:23] Stella: That’s exactly right. Thank you all so much and have a wonderful Thursday and a great weekend.