Advocating for Your Child/Others

Rhonda: [00:00:00] Hey guys, it’s Ronda with Kentucky SPIN, Kentucky Special Parent Involvement Network. So we’re going to talk about today, advocating for your child, for your loved one. It could be advocating for your sibling, for your grandchild, your niece, or nephew. Anyone that you’re advocating on behalf. So what we’re going to do is share some ideas and tips that we have found advocating with within our life.

As a sister, I have learned some different things about advocating. And as well as, I’m a proud foster adoptive mom. And there are things that I have learned advocating for my child. So regardless of the organization or the system that you’re advocating on behalf of your child or your loved one or yourself. It’s very important and it’s critical to your success and their success, to advocate.

A lot of times there’s a negative [00:01:00] tone to the word advocate. But advocacy is a great thing, if it’s done in the right way. Now, as you could imagine, I have done quite a bit the wrong way. Most things that I have learned in life, I’ve attempted it at least the wrong way first. But it became very clear to me that my approach was not working because it was hurting the situation more than it was helping. And that’s a balance that you have to find within yourself and advocating on behalf of your loved one.

Not that you’re always all gonna agree on everything. That doesn’t happen. But you’ve got to be able to collaborate and partner because in the end, who it’s going to help is your child or your loved one that you are advocating on behalf.

So, what I found was also too making sure that I did not [00:02:00] have a preconceived notion of what people were gonna think. Or you know, I try to think ahead of, you know, all these scenarios in my mind. Which is good to prepare, but you can get yourself in a bad space too. And that will come across. We have to be very open minded. Not that we’re going to sway one way or the other.

You know, what in your heart is the most important for your child, your loved one to be successful. So not to compromise that. But in how we approach it, is what’s going to be the determining factor of them being successful.

I also want to share a couple of tips, our coworker, which I had shared with you all before, is not one for video and but her message and what she learned advocating on behalf of her daughter is very important. And I wanted to read that to you all today.

So she said that I was very fortunate. I was introduced to [00:03:00] Kentucky SPIN when my daughter was in the first grade. They gave me a tremendous amount of resources. I also volunteered at the parent resource center and at her daughter’s school. From the beginning, her daughter’s school years, I learned that good communication was the key. The biggest majority of her teachers were willing to try modifications that she told them worked at home with her daughter. And they would share ideas back and forth. So, she even said that she had teachers that ask, if she minded if they used some of her daughter’s modifications with other students. And that became very important and collaborative.

And I love that idea. And she, one of her dearest memories of her daughter’s school years was when one of her third grade teachers told [00:04:00] her she never wanted to have a special ed student in her classroom. But by having her daughter in her classroom, she was a whole different, had a whole different outlook on it, and now she knows she can do it.

So see what might on the surface look like they didn’t want a child with a disability. Or may look different when you get down to the core of it, it was because maybe she didn’t feel prepared or that she was able to do it. So that is a good lesson, I think for all of us.

Because what may be on the surface, is not what is down deep inside. So, take that and really keep those things in mind. I know it can be very emotional. It’s our loved ones, but we do have to find a way to effectively advocate in a positive way, for them. Because this is a lifelong journey [00:05:00] of advocating throughout their whole life.

So, and her daughter is an adult now and is a wonderful advocate herself. And she still advocates on behalf of her daughter and helps her out. So we’re going to share some other stories about advocacy and the things that we’ve learned. You all take care and we’ll have some more videos coming soon. Thanks.

Michaela: [00:05:23] Hey, it’s Michaela Evans with Kentucky SPIN. And I just wanted to tell you a little bit about why I do what I do. I’m an educational specialist with Kentucky SPIN, and my favorite part of my job is working one-on-one with parents. And providing them with information and resources they need to effectively advocate for their child.

I am a mother of a 12 year old son with autism. And his education and school in general has been a very rough road for us. There were a lot of things that came up along the way that I [00:06:00] didn’t know how to handle. I didn’t know what our rights were. I didn’t know what to do in each situation.

And I feel like if I had only known then what I know now, my child would not have had to suffer as much as he did. And I’ve just had to learn from experience along the way, and all of the situations that we went through. And it’s just so difficult for me to look back and think that they could have just been prevented if I’d had that knowledge.

So, if I can find the information and the resources to help someone else, and to avoid all of those things that we went through. Then I feel like, you know, maybe it was worth it. And maybe, you know, our story and my experiences can help make a difference in someone else’s life. And so if us living through all of those nightmares, can keep somebody else from having to, that is why I [00:07:00] do what I do. And why I choose advocacy.

Ian: [00:07:03] Hey guys, it’s Ian here with Kentucky SPIN. And today I want to do a quick video talking about why advocate for foster kids and the other people that I advocate for. And also some quick tips on how I do so.

Let’s jump right in. So the first thing is, the reason why. The reason why I advocate for foster kids is because there’s a lot of disconnecting in foster care. I’m a former foster youth myself. And you’re disconnected from your family, right? When you get taken away. You’re disconnected from your emotions because your emotions tell you, you want your mom and dad, right? You want to go back home.

But in reality, home may not be the best place for you. So there’s a lot that goes into that. But without going too much into the detail, it’s almost like you can’t trust your emotions because as a kid, you just want to go back home. So there’s a disconnect there.

[00:08:00] There’s a disconnect from again, being taken away., and then there’s disconnects from, you know, you may have to disconnect from friends. If you move from different homes to homes. You have to disconnect from schools. You have to disconnect from your environment. So there’s so much disconnection, that you yearn for connection.

You just want to connect to something and have that connection last longer than like a day, a week. Because there’s so much transition to a lot of kids in foster care. So the reason why, I think one reason why anyway, that I love to be a support role for foster kids, former or current, is because I want to give them that connection.

I want to be a connection for them. They can bounce things off of me. We can talk. If they’re just going through a lot right now, they just need to vent. Or if they just need some ambition. They’re kind of lost in life, they’re kind of just floating and just existing. I work with a lot of youth that encounter that kind of thing, and they [00:09:00] just don’t really know what to do next.

They don’t really know how to think outside of survival. They get so stuck into, food, water, shelter, food, water, shelter. Once they get that, they’re kind of just confused. Or a PlayStation. We get food, water, shelter, the next thing is probably a PlayStation. And then we’re like, now what do we do? So I like to help youth connect with their purpose in life.

I like to help youth reconnect with themselves, have some direction, have some goals, and chase those and formulate a plan to get those. And so that’s a big reason why, I like to try to work with those youth, former, again, former or current. I like to try to work with those youth.

Another thing is, is that going through care, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. So a part of it is just I’ve been there and I know what a lot of these youth are going through. And even if my story is not exactly the same, I can relate to 75%, 80% of what [00:10:00] they’re going through. So you know, I do it because I have this experience from it. Why not use that to help someone else. That’s just part of who I am, I guess.

So those are my big reasons why I want to help youth and I want to advocate for them, help them, get laws that are going to make it easier for youth that come after me, right. And also, give them everything that they need to be successful in life. So that means advocating for tuition and advocating for, which they already get free tuition, but like usually it covers like four years, so trying to get more years covered or whatever that may be, whatever specific thing that may be. All the advocating is to try to get them something that’s going to help them be more successful. And raise the percentages for them being successful because we’ve all seen the data that surrounds the foster care system and is poor.

I mean, just to be frank, it’s poor. We see that [00:11:00] not a lot of them graduate, and a lot of them get a job. Not a lot of them maintain a job when they do get a job. Not a lot of them have careers. Not a lot of them have dreams and passions. Not a lot of them move or try anything new, because they’re just scared. They’re locked down by fear. And so I want to break all those things.

Now let’s dive into some tips. That I use to try to help do my why. Or help me to advocate for the youth in care, former or current.

One of the things that I do is I listen, right? A lot of youth that I speak to they have a lot that they want to say. So I want to first just be a good listener.

And hear them out because so many people in their lives, whether it be a doctor, whoever, telling them what to do next, telling them what to do. Instead of working with them and pulling out of them what they want to do. And trying to guide that into something that can actually manifest into something big. So I like to listen.

And then the next [00:12:00] thing I like to do is kind of reflect back what I’m hearing right. And have a conversation with them, so let’s say, well, you kind of want to do this and kind of do this. Sometimes I’ll suggest things, but it’s not really for me to suggest things because it’s their life.

It’s really for me to listen and maybe suggest a couple of things, but I’m not going hard with the suggestions. Usually they’re pretty direct. Usually they just want to, they have a specific thing in mind and they tell me. Hey, Ian, I want to do this, this, and this. Okay, cool. That’s usually really easy. I can either tell them, look, I have no clue how to do that.

You know, you want to be a Marine biologist and I don’t even know where to start. I know you need to go to school. I know, that’s all I know. Or sometimes it’s a little more hazy. Typically it’s more hazy, but I’ll have ideas or things that I think can tie into what they want to do. Most of the time they’re kind of shocked when somebody listens to them for a long time, cause they’re not used to that.

So that kind of catches them off balance. They may [00:13:00] overshare or they may, you know, it may make them uncomfortable that they’ve shared so much. But with that information, like I said, I try to give them some suggestions. Then we talk it through, right? We talked through like a strategy, like what can help them be successful if they want to reconnect with their family cause they are fresh out of care.

How can we help you do that? You know, what does that look like? Every situation is different. Every person is on an individual basis, different. And so it’s trying to find ways to help them to connect. What really makes this easy, as a lot of them do music. So I make music as well, and so we connect on that level.

They hear my music, they love the music. They’re like, Hey man, I make music too. Like would you check some of mine out? I check out their music. And then that just opens up some things to get to some real issues over here. But you may have to get into the music first. And I think that that’s kind of backwards from the way that typical care [00:14:00] providers or whoever approach the situation. They want to just hit it and hit it hard, right? The issues that are up front, they want to address those. But I think you’ve got to come in through the back door. You’ve got to come in through connecting on interests and connecting on where they’re at and their headspace right now. And then they will automatically open up the things that that are the big things.

For me, that’s music. We connect with music. I shared with them mine. I listened to theirs, like I said. And then we have a conversation and what can I do to make my music better? What do you think of my music? Like honestly, what do you think? Because they respect me because I’ve earned credibility as an artist, so then I share with them my thoughts.

And typically this is, again, everybody’s different, but typically it’s a lot of stuff. They’re talking about a lot of stuff in their raps about how painful their life was. All this and that. Or it’s a bunch of stuff that they don’t do. So the first thing I do is try to [00:15:00] guide them into possibly sharing their story.

Like, Hey, why don’t you share your story? Because we already got enough people talking about drugs and all this stuff over here. Why don’t you talk about your life? Because nobody can copy that. That is unique to you and your experience, and your perception of the world. Why don’t you share that with the world?

A lot of them are very intrigued by this. And that starts a whole other path of thinking. And then that unlocks things sometimes where they’re like, Oh, well, you know what, I also wanted to do this. I’ve always wanted to do this thing, or how do I do this thing? Or how do I get to that? And then the questions start just flowing.

And I love that. I love to be able to help them and guide them any way that I can. A large part of the advocating is sometimes trying to pass bills and stuff like that and change laws. And so with that, I just try to assist them with, you know, where to go, who’s their legislator and their area, like general stuff. Not really getting into the weeds of each specific bill. And each [00:16:00] specific law. Cause we may have different takes or whatever, but I just try to help guide them as to what is the process to help make changes for themselves.

A lot of them want to be part of an organization. A lot of youth. They want to be a part of a movement to help other youth after them. Just like I do. And so I’ll point them in the direction of different groups in the state that meet up, that make changes in laws and legislation that, you know, create a conference each year that basically reach back and touch the youth that are still in care and also work with alumni who are, have exited care, successful, so on and so forth.

There’s more and more youth now that I have been meeting. that are successful. That have beat the odds. That have steady jobs, have careers, have a house, some of them are married, some of them have children. They’re raising their families. And so those are success stories that we can all look at and be like, Hey, you can do this. You can make it. Just [00:17:00] like I made it and she made it and he made it.

Lastly, I think consistency is a big piece. So working with them, not just one time, not just one call. And no, we can’t be on call 24/7, but trying to be there as much as you can. Because they want that consistency. They need to know that somebody is there, even if they don’t call that person or speak with that, or see that person all the time. It’s just knowing that someone is in your corner. They’re rooting for you, and you can hit them up if you really have a question. Or if you really just, you know, need a little guidance or whatever it is you need. You know, you have at least one or two people that you can connect with and rely on.

And so, consistency is a big piece of, I would say if you’re thinking about advocating for youth or advocating for whoever, trying to be as consistent as possible. You know, maybe if you have the time for it, if you have the space for it, try to set up like, Hey, let’s do weekly calls. [00:18:00] Let’s do monthly calls.

If you can’t do that. Maybe you could do, maybe there’s another person that you’ve worked with in the past that would be a really good pair to match with that person. Maybe you could pair them up and be like, Hey man, I got this project for you. This other guy’s working through some of the same stuff that you went through with me and you were working together.

I was wondering if you all could just like chat every now and then and just kinda, you know, I can introduce you all in a three way call or we can meet up, you know, if it wasn’t COVID-19 and talk so. All these different strategies to try to be there and expand. And advocate for youth, that have experienced foster care.

There you have it. Those are my reasons why. And also my tips. At least some of my tips, it’s not a full fledged list cause this video would be like an hour long. But those are some quick tips that come jump to the front of my mind when I think about what I do to try to help youth advocate for themselves. And also other youth that come before and after them.

Alright peace you guys.

[00:19:00] Kellie: [00:19:00] Hey guys, it’s Kellie with Kentucky SPIN. Wanted to share with you why I advocate or why I wanted to become an advocate. There are a few different reasons that I wanted to become an advocate and why I advocate hard every day. The first thing, I have a son who has a traumatic brain injury and he was abused as an infant. And it has been a rough road.

It is very hard with the disability that he has for people to understand because it’s invisible. And, you know, as you talk to him, he’s very intelligent and he, you know, he carries on in a manner that most people don’t really, consider a disabled person to carry on in. And so advocating for him has been very hard.

[00:20:00] I started advocating for him when I was about 18 years old. And that’s when we found out that he had been abused. And, I was a young mother and didn’t really know anything. But one thing that I recognized right away that in the system, he did not have a voice. There wasn’t anyone fighting for him.

And my voice was not as effective as it would be now. Because I was young and I was uneducated and I didn’t know what to do. The next reason I wanted, I want to advocate, is because I also went through some things as an adolescent that I shouldn’t have gone through. And I didn’t have a voice.

And no one was sticking up for me. And I can remember [00:21:00] being, you know, 15, 16 years old, I guess I was about 16 and wondering why nobody cared what was happening to me. And why nobody wanted to fight for me. And so those experiences come with a price. And, as the world becomes more trauma informed, I think it’s very important that they start to understand those things.

And so that is why I advocate. Those are the reasons that I get up every day looking for ways to fight for the voiceless. And I will continue to do it. Even if I don’t see fruits of my labor or I feel like, you know, still my voice isn’t being heard. I’m not going away. Depend [00:22:00] on myself, my son depends on me.

And there are many, many other families who have come to depend on me or my job to help them. So that is why I advocate and I hope that you can search within your heart, if you don’t already, and find a reason to advocate, too. Talk to you soon.

Stella: [00:22:26] Well, Hey everyone, it’s Stella was Kentucky SPIN. I wanted to take a few minutes and just talk about the why of my advocacy.

And you know, 24 years ago, I had a son, named Clayton, who was born with an intellectual disability called Williams Syndrome. I did not know he had a disability until he was diagnosed at nine months. But I knew something just wasn’t right. So I began, early on before I even really knew what I was doing, to advocate for answers. And I began to question my pediatrician. And I began to question other folks [00:23:00] around me because I just knew something wasn’t quite right.

So when we finally got the answer and he was diagnosed at nine months with Williams Syndrome, I knew, I knew then that I was going to have to be his voice, his best advocate. And an advocate really means just pleading the cause for someone else. We advocate for things you don’t even realize that you advocate for, but I knew that I had to be his voice.

So I totally changed my career. I was going to be a cosmetologist. I decided, you know what? I’m going to work in the field of special education, somehow, someway. I’m going to get my voice out there and I’m going to help pave the way, not only for him, but for others along the way. So I began to find out everything I could about Williams Syndrome.

And along that way I realized, you know, I was going to have to be his voice for many, many years. And I’ve done that to this day, 24 years later. Now it’s my full time career. So I realized then, not only was the information that I was getting from myself important. But I knew that [00:24:00] information was going to be important for other family members who may be couldn’t advocate as best as they could for their child.

So as I began to find out information, I wanted to share that with anyone I could find. So that’s what being an advocate is all about. And your why of why you do what you do may be different than my why. But we all do things for a reason. So I’m so grateful for my job here at Kentucky SPIN, that I’m able to help families, like you, out there that may need that additional support and resources needed to be the better advocate that you need to be.

We have all kinds of resources available for you on our Facebook page, on our website, and also on our YouTube channel. So I hope you’ll reach out at www.kyspin.com and get some of those much needed resources and information. Remember, you are an advocate. You are your child’s best advocate. Thanks so much and have a great day.